Dear Survivor, I know; you’ve heard them talking. You’ve read the blog posts talking about the virtuous goal of being a “thriver” rather than a survivor.
I know the shame you feel, admitting even silently to yourself that for so long now ~ years, perhaps, you’ve been gasping in the deep dark water, giving everything you’ve got to simply keep your head above water.
And there is no end in sight.
You find it a stretch to call yourself a survivor. I want you to know that there is no shame in being a victim. You did not choose to be a victim. You are loved in the midst of your brokenness.
Victim/Survivor/Thriver
Here in America especially, we love the stories of victims who are not only survivors, but who are now even more than that; they’re thrivers.
Implying that there is some magical multi-step method enabling victims/survivors to graduate to being thrivers heaps shame on those of us who aren’t thrivers.
The truth is that I may never be a thriver. That is not something that I am guaranteed. Not this side of heaven.
This isn’t to say that I don’t experience joy. There are times when the waves calm. Times when I can relax a bit and float on the water, laughing with my children.
Then, so very suddenly I find myself battling stormy waters that threaten to sink me.
Perhaps you are in a similarly overwhelming season of your life right now?
I want you to know that Jesus came for us. For the victims, for the survivors. So many times he compassionately chose to spend time with men and women just like us. Men and women who have experienced the worst, the darkest side of life.
God with us
Dear victim, please know that you don’t have to pull yourself together and be a thriver using anyone’s three step method in order for the Lord to be pleased with you.
He loves you in your desperate brokenness. He loves you even if it never gets better.
Jesus is God with us. With us in our brokenness. With us as victims, survivors or thrivers.
With us.
I rejoice with those who are thrivers. I pray that the Lord will restore the years that the locusts have eaten in your life, my survivor friend, and that you too will experience the joy of being a thriver.
But more than that, I pray that you will experience God with us.
God with us as victims. God with us as survivors, and God with us as thrivers.
God’s grace, His goodness is not made any less by our brokenness.
Susan,
In my opinion you are a thriver just by the sheer fact that you acknowledge the pain, sit in the mess and say “this stinks but I know God is here – somehow, somewhere”.
I admit that I am one of those people encouraging others to thrive, but a huge part of that is exactly this paradox. In accepting that getting by one more day and hanging onto God by our bleeding fingertips is all we can manage, we thrive in some way. It is not giving up.
I hear you and in no way want to diminish the huge effort so many of us make to not drown in life’s stormy waters. I apologize if that has come across.
Jesus came that we might have life, and life in all its fullness. Somehow we need to live in the tension of that being ALL the time and not just in the easy seasons of life. How we navigate that is a mine field.
I am not an advocate of 3 easy steps to a pain free life, or the secret to getting Jesus to do what you want! God meets us in our pain – you are so right.
Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. It is much appreciated.
Niki
Nikki, thank you so much.
Thank you, Susan.
That was beautiful.
I guess I am drowning. After almost fifteen years of praying and pleading with God and things only getting worse… My faith is on life support and I don’t know how to hope anymore.
Emily, {{{{hug}}}}. I am empathizing with you *so* much. Please know that I’m praying specifically for you. You are not alone.
Thank you so much. Reading your words is so nourishing to my heart. thank you..
This is so beautiful….. thank you for this. It is amazing to me how much you encourage us all even in the midst of your own storm. You’re beautiful friend!
Thank you for your amazing blog. Thankful I.found you tonight. I’m.a victim Survivor. Not yet a thrive. Not sure how to get there. I’m.stuck.in a deep depression. God is with me. I feel his love daily. But I’m having a hard time no ing forward and thriving. But.I’m.Not giving. Up just yet. God is good. All the time. My dreams are coming true. I feel it I see it I taste it and I’m.going to touch it. We have to be patient. It’s God’s timing. He is always on time.
Stacey, thanks for sharing. Being a victim is very overwhelming… for good reason. Being on the receiving end of any sort of abuse causes deep emotional injuries that don’t heal quickly. Please give yourself grace and time.